Rogue of Light

Pages present themselves as polite, agreeable, and even somewhat carefree, with loafty aspirations and a lack of self-confidence. But lurking just beneth the surface is some incredibly powerful stubborness. This stubborness is both their greatest asset, and biggest handicap. Pages are incredibly resilient to learning lessons, forcefully blotting out whatever they don't want to engage with. The mask gets dropped the second they are confronted with something that goes against their worldview. They understand the laws of politeness, but not the reasons they exist.

This generates an inability to confront personal failings, which causes a lot of problems, especially for young pages. Their shortcomings are never addressed. When confronted, they're just plastered over by a mess of apologizes that mostly consist of beating themselves up, instead of trying to make it right, playing victim all the way. If the person rejects this poor attempt at an apology, the page lashes out in anger, blaming anyone but themselves. At their very worst, Pages become predators that act like prey, leverging pity into emotional manipulation.

This pattern is the easiest part to recognize. Pages have a lot of the heir instict of keeping the peace, and not stepping on anyone's toes. The difference is, heirs do this because they want to help others. Pages do it because they don't want anyone to be mad at them which, ironically, is exactly what this behavior leads to. The sad part is, pages are really fun to hang out with, before they pull this bullshit. It makes you want to scream. "DUDE! I WAS ENJOYING YOUR COMPANY! I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU! JUST STOP PULLING THIS BULLSHIT! IT MAKES EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE AND DOESN'T FIX ANYTHING" Even if you did, it's not like they would listen.

Pages have two primary drives - the desire to be a hero, and overcome challanges and save the world, and this crippling self confidence. They're naturally drawn to idealized visages of heroes, people for them to aspire to be like. But being a hero isn't about the outfit or the superpowers - it's about helping people. Pages don't realize that helping comes first, and acclaim comes second.

That's not how it works in real life. People rarely get the chance to save the world all on their own. But this belief that they can, or that they need to, leads to a cycle, where overconfidence is punished and self esteem is gutted. The cycle starts with the page believing they're worthless and not useful to anyone. But, they end up sucseeding in some areas. They manage to be useful, and people around them congradulate them. They get high off this boost in self esteem, and take on bigger tasks for bigger emotional rewards. Until they try one thing that's too big, faceplant, and their self esteem falls to an all time low. They retreat back to where they were at the beginning, just a little bit worse for wear. This cycle is motivated not by a desire to help people, but to gain approval from those around them.

Think Tavros, who tried using his animal control powers to help people, before accidently killing Jade's grandpa. Every time they think it'll be different. They think they'll finally pull off something big enough to make everyone around them love them and care about them forever. It's that stubborness talking. In real life, you need to be consistant. It's not enough to be a piece of shit 95% of the time, but come through in the other 5.

That being said, page stubborness can be channeled into incredible things. Under the right circumstances, it can lead to some incredible, out of the box thinking that everyone else disregards as a waste of time. Their stubborness also means that, when they eventually realize that they need to improve themselves, they will do it with an unmatched ferocity. It's the realization that other people don't like them that's the hardest. Even if they do, they're more likely to fall into a pit of dispear. Beating themselves up, but for real this time. They need to realize that making mistakes isn't the end of the world. Even if these mistakes might hurt people. It would be a bigger mistake to not work on themselves, to completely disregard any desire to self-improve. It won't be easy, and it won't be quick, but it will be worth it. There's a reason Hussie designated Pages as the strongest class. Once they self actualize, and recognize their stubborness and tendances for what they are, nothing can stop them. They can channel them into incredible things, the other classes can only dream of. They can become the hero they've always wanted to be - the first step, was to stop trying. The last stage of grief is the first stage of attunement - acceptance.

For whatever reason, I've had a lot of pages reach out to me, and try to form a connection, in their awkward stumbling way. And it's made me realize something. They want to avoid pain. They don't ever want to dissapoint anyone, or hurt anyone, or be seen as anyone less than a hero. This is why so many pages fail to self-actualize. Because that pain, that turmoil, is what catalyzes them into becoming the best versions of themselves. After they confront themselves, and realize they haven't been living up to their ideal self that exists in fantasy, and put all that stubborness and blind optimism into fixing themselves. This rarely happens, unfortunately.

Prospit Pages

Probably the first thing that popped into your head. Gentle, well meaning, polite, but when you get closer, the clinginess rears it's head.

Lots of anime protagonists could go here. Denji from Chainsaw Man, or Deku from MHA are good picks, although it's a more idealized version. Jimmy McGill from Better Call Saul might be a better "warts and all" example. Generally agreeable on the surface, but slips into toxic patterns easily.

Derse Pages

Derse pages have a longer and harder journey than their prospit counterparts. They fall down further, and take longer to get back up again. They're often depressed, and prone to spiraling worse than prospits. It's tough to watch. Every little mistake is grounds for punishment, every transgression is punishable by self-immulation.

Shinji from Evangelion is a perfect example. He might as well have been born with a "fragile" sticker on his forehead.

Closing Thoughts

If you're a page, hi. Sorry, that was probably a lot for you, but you did a good job finishing it. It's hard, confronting yourself, isn't it? Realizing that the idea you have of yourself, as this hero amongst men, might not be entirely accurate. I hope it helped you understand yourself, and maybe, helped you work towards being a better person. Because the hard part is over. The confronting yourself, taking a long, hard look in the mirror - that's the part that stops most pages. But you've done it. The rest will come naturally.

That's not to say it won't take work. Breaking old habits and making new ones, fixing the things you've fucked up, even just making friends. It'll all take time. But you're equipped for it. All of that page stubborness and idealization will have a purpose.

You're not a bad guy. You're just not the person you invision yourself as. But you can be.